Ebenezer and the Elements

"Meanwhile, in a stockroom, poor Rubidium Cratchet, the lab technitium, was washing dishes in ice cold water. Ebenezer only allowed him one piece of carbon paper for all the lab reports and one small candle to aluminum. A graduate of Berkelium College in Californium, Rub was no Einsteinium, but he wasn't so-dium, either. He did tend right to bismuth on time. It was six o'clock on Christmas Eve, and Rub asked to go holmium early.

"'You've got a lot of gallium,' replied Ebenezer. 'I'll be francium, but fermium. Hafnium a day's work, halfnium a day's pay.'

"'That's alright,' Rub replied, 'I'm antimony, anyway.'"

This retelling of the Christmas Carol by Gerald Swenson and Jay Badenhoop is pretty rich.  Check it out!