Folks, I'm not makin' this stuff up. Is it just me, or is my life weird?
(Two people eating lunch)
Dude: "So what are you taking to the party?"
Dame: "Beef shishkabobs."
Dude: "Sounds boring."
Dude: "What's a shishkabob?"
(Two people talking at a coffeeshop)
Dude: "And I was exclusively invited to a service."
Dame: "That's just because he wanted you to become Mormon."
Dude: [Pause]. "Really? Oh..."
(Three kids talking while waiting for a guitar concert to start)
Boy: "How many chapters are in your book?"
Girl 1: "Nine."
Boy: "A nine-chapter? I've got a twenty-chapter. I'm in Goosebumps now. It's all this green skin, a little head..."
Girl 2: "Is it How I Got My Shrunken Head?"
Boy: "Yeah. That one."
(Two people looking at a billboard).
Dude: [Gesturing at a Holiday Party poster] "Who designed this? It's terrible."
Dame: "I did."
Dude: "I mean, it's really good! I like it!"
(Woman at the nursing home wearing a white plastic helmet with stickers and writing on it.)
"I'm going to have an operation next week. I already had one -- that's why I'm wearing this helmet. You see, the first operation, they took some of my skull and [patting belly] put it in my stomach." [Pause, purses lips and looks up at the ceiling, then back to listeners]. "Now they're going to take it out of my stomach and put it back."